I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
