So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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