Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
