there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
This toilet bowl is my home.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
