Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
