You're a womanizer and a bitch.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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