Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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