I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
