Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
