I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My balls are so social today.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
