Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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