its not stalking. its research.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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