I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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