True but thats because hes a fetus.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
