matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
