god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
