Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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