I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
