FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
