Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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