What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
