pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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