a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
