my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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