I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
