There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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