New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
