Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
