Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
