thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
