Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
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