new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
