I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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