Will you blow on my dice?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So much Jack, so little girl.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
