ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
