The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
