i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
