I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
