True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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