Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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