haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
