There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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