All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
