can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
