Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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