I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
