Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
