i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
