i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
