I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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