FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We need a shit load of segways right now
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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