YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
