Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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