eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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