I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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