$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
