already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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